dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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