thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
