grandma shit on top of the toilet
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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