just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
