I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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