If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
