yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
