she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
