Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
