If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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