alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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