there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
