Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
