we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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