Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize