She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
