If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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