the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
