bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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