Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
