I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
