i used baking grease as lip gloss
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
