i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
