Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
