I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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