Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
