Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
