Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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