"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
