I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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