Life is so much better after having sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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