so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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