Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
3pm strippers are depressing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
