So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
