You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
