FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize