It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sext me about skeletons
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
