I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
