Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
