My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
