that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
