a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
