So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
