break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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