I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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