Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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