Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
