Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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