Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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