fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
