This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was like eating out sand paper
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
