i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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