he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
