I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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