Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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