She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
