She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
