So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
