I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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