Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
