Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
