I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
