shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
