Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Randomize