Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
