i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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