Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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