I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
