I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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