I have demons in me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
