So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
